Family Rules
by NinjaWolf10
Summary: When living with 5 mutants it's important to be aware of the spoken and unspoken rules of the lair.
1. Life in the Lair

**A/N - Hope you enjoy this story, it's set in the 03 series when April is living with the turtles**

Family Rules

April O'Neil sat down heavily in the guest room of the turtle's lair. After all the drama of her apartment being burnt down, Leo being badly injured, returning to New York, and losing and finding Master Splinter it was nice to actually have a chance to settle into the turtles lair. Her mutant family had very kindly offered to let her stay as long as she wanted since they were still blaming themselves for her losing the apartment in the first place. She didn't blame them. She blamed the foot.

Now she had chance to settle down in their home, and the boys were having time to relax as well she couldn't help but worry about her privacy in the lair. After 15 years of it just being 5 men in the lair, she was concerned the boys would forget a woman needed privacy. She wasn't as concerned about Master Splinter since he always seemed to have good manners anyway. But the boys might be a bit naive about such things.

Relaxing on the bed April turned over to find a bulky looking envelope sitting on the table next to her. Intrigued she lifted it from the table and noticed the words 'Family Rules' neatly printed on the front. Curiosity growing, April opened the envelope to find several pieces of paper shoved inside. Picking up the first piece April read the letter:

_Dear April_

_Since we consider you part of the family now, and you're going to be staying with us for a while I thought it would be wise to let you know some of the spoken and unspoken rules of the family, and living in the lair. I would hate for you to accidently upset someone, or break a rule. I know you would hate to offend Master Splinter and my brothers._

_I have managed to compile the most important rules that you should be made aware of, and I hope this helps make it more comfortable for you living here._

_Yours Truly_

_Donatello Hamato_

With a slight smile on her face April reached for the other pieces of paper in the envelope, this was going to be interesting...


	2. The List

As April lifted the first piece of paper from the pile she recognized Donnie's' neat, flowing writing covering the page as she began to read these family rules.

_-Master Splinter is always right – accept it now to avoid trouble later on_

_-Never accept Leo's offer for anything more difficult to make than tea_

_-If you are ever close to beating Mikey at a video game, don't - He cried for a week last time he lost_

_-Contrary to what movie stereotypes may suggest Raph really isn't a big softy on the inside_

_-Yes, Leo practices his leader speeches in the bathroom mirror_

_-Interrupt Master Splinter's tv time at your own peril_

_-Always specify what pizza toppings you want – saying 'I don't mind' to Mikey can be lethal_

_-Raph thinks no-one can hear him sing in the shower – we like to keep it that way_

_-The hair clogging the drain in the bathroom can only come from two people – since one of those people denies it, perhaps you could remove it?_

_-When Leo says it's time to get up he will get you up by any means necessary – you are not exempt from this._

_-Master Splinter often sings Japanese songs to himself – he will be offended if you cover your ears_

_-Entering Mikey's bedroom is about as safe as crossing a minefield_

_-Never call Raphs' sais forks_

_-All cheese in the refrigerator belongs to Master Splinter_

_-You have full permission to smack Mikey should he mention the words 'Battle Nexus'_

_-It's called Master Splinter's arm chair for a reason_

_-Never try to sneak up on Leo, he is paranoid about the Foot._

_-Raphael is not a morning turtle and is in the habit of punching those who wake him up_

_-If you find Mikey hiding under the kitchen table after a zombie movie marathon, you have full permission to act like a zombie_

_-Mikey follows a 'no pizza left behind' philosophy and should he find a slice in the trash, he will find out who put it there_

_-Sitting between Raph and Mikey at dinner can get messy_

_-Splinter and Leo burn a lot of candles in the lair and the smell of incense can be overpowering if you are unprepared for it – I suggest you get used to it, we don't need you collapsing on us_

_-When Raph is chasing Mikey don't offer Mikey protection or you may get caught in the crossfire_

April couldn't help but smile as she finished reading Donatello's list of what he considered to be family rules, it certainly made for interesting reading and had given her more of an insight into the mutant family.

"Dinner's ready!" shouted Mikey from the kitchen which quickly broke April out of her thoughts. It would certainly be interesting to observe some of Donnie's rules in action at dinner.


End file.
